Changing Faces

Credit for this post clearly goes to my blogger friend Mel, whose post here made me comment, and the more I was thinking about the subject, the more I wanted to write about it.

Actually, this is not my first post brushing the topic of self-perception and how it so often widely differs from how others perceive us; two years ago, I wrote this.

As I said in my comment on Mel's post, I know what she means and often find the woman who looks back at me in the mirror has a different face on different days of the week and at different times of the day.

Sometimes, as mentioned in my comment, Mirror-Woman gets me by surprise - quite nastily, too, like on that day when I was waiting for the train home after a particularly exhausting day at the office some years ago.

When the train pulled in, I stood aside on the platform to let passengers get off, and incidentally caught my own reflection in the glass panel of the door. What I saw was an old woman, her face lined with tiredness, the corners of her mouth turned down and her eyes weary. It was NOT a pretty sight, and I was quite shocked.

I am 43 now and certainly entitled to a wrinkle or two, but there and then I looked a lot older - to be honest, I looked as old and knackered as I felt at that moment.

Since then, a lot has happened; two years ago, the sudden death of my husband meant not only a big change in my life, but also a total shift in perspective - among other things, I have elminated unhealthy stress from my life, and feel (and hopefully look!) a lot better for it.

Still, there are times when, for instance, I am getting ready for an evening out, even putting some make-up on (which is a rare occurrance for me, and there is nothing on my skin, obviously no powder or cream, just a dab of lipstick and some mascara on my eyelashes), and feel pretty enough to attempt taking a new self-portrait to use as my profile picture on a social platform (not FaceBook, I am not there and will never be).

So I go about taking the picture with the help of my camera's self-timer, but when I see the result, I think no, that's not the face I should have - I feel not as ugly as this.

Then, a few days later, I take another picture, for no special reason, simply because I feel like it, with no make-up on, dressed in my most comfy house clothes, and find it does not make a difference whether I make an effort or not, this one is not uglier than the first one.

My face is probably that part of myself I will never feel really, really good about, as opposed to most of the rest of me, which I quite like showing off (you'll see what I mean once I get my "Autumn Wardrobe" post up). And there is, I guess, the biggest difference in self-perception and how others see me: I do not think I am downright ugly, but I think my face is the part of me least worth looking at. My self-esteem is by no means low (quite the contrary, which some people find rather off-putting), but I have no idea of what is more realistic - how I perceive myself, or how others see me? And what is the secret in making others see me the way I think I am?

So far, I have not found an answer to either question, but the topic continues to fascinate me.

November Summary

Several times on my blog, I have gone on about how I feel about the beginning of a new month, but I think a summary at the end of a month can also be good.

During November, I worked mostly from home, as usual; went to the office for a day, took a business trip to Austria, read a few books, worked out at the gym, had lunch at my parents' place three or four times, walked across the Christmas market on the opening night, shed some tears around the 2nd anniversary of my husband's death, learnt quite a lot from what I was reading in my weekly paper, on the blogs I am following and also from the comments some of you are kind enough to leave here, enjoyed the mostly mild and sunny weather, went on a family outing, came 2nd with my team at the pub quiz, made a Hefezopf and generally had a good time.

(Most of what I have summarized here can be found in the posts I have written this month)

A "classic" for November in this part of the globe, but such foggy, mysterious mornings like this view from my kitchen window were quite rare this year.

The clear, frosty mornings were more frequent, looking just as beautiful in their own different way.

A close-up of my neighbour's frost-covered roses.

And then there were quinces!

We have a tree in the back garden; it has grown quite out of hand, really, not letting any sunshine through to the ground around it. And every year, it produces an abundance of this delicious looking fruit - trouble is, they can not be eaten just like that; they are rock-hard and need boiling for hours and hours and hours before they turn into anything edible, such as jam, and not many people are willing to go to such lenghts.

Still, because yellow is my favourite colour and these quinces were just so beautiful, I took one and am using it now as one of the very few decorative items in my flat.

These pictures show quite well what the colour of this year's November is in my mind - certainly not the grey typically associated with the month!

Hefezopf - a Classic Swabian Tea (or Coffee) Cake

Time for another recipe!

This one is for Hefezopf (literally "Yeast Plait"), a typical Swabian cake usually had with coffee or tea, no matter what the occasion. It is served in my region all year round, and an all-time favourite for funerals, birthdays, baptisms, weddings, gatherings without any particular reason; for breakfeast or in the afternoon.

Today, my parents had invited all of us (meaning the closest circle of family and friends) to meet for brunch at their place, to start off the Christmas season, since it is the first of the four Advent Sundays today, and everyone was asked to bring something.

My contribution was the Hefezopf, and here is how I made it this morning just before setting off to their house:

You need

500 g plain flour (not of the self-raising kind!)

20 g yeast

80 g sugar

1/4 litre of milk

100 g butter

a pinch of salt

one or two eggs, depending on their size (I used two small ones)

about 100 g raisins

Mix the dry ingredients first. Then add the yeast.

Before you add the eggs, make sure they do not come straight from the fridge but are at room temperature.

Make sure the milk is luke-warm before adding it.

Melt the butter in a pan or in the microwave before adding it.

Do not yet add the raisins.

Mix well. I did not use an electric mixer, but my favourite, very old wooden spoon (I am not sure whether it is from my grandmother's or my mother's household, but I've had it "forever" and it has served me well over the years).

Cover with a tea towel and leave in a warm place for at least an hour.

When the dough has had time to rise a bit, add the raisins and prepare your baking board or table top or kitchen counter work surface or whereever you wish to make the plait on by spreading some flour on it. Add one or two handfuls of flour to the dough as well, and make sure your hands are well covered in flour.

Knead and beat the dough with your hands until it is smooth and does not stick to your hands anymore, at the same time working the raisins into the dough.

When that's done, divide the lump of dough into three parts.

Roll out the three strands into oblong bits of more or less the same length. They really do not have to look perfect, so don't worry if they are a bit uneven or lumpy, as long as the dough in itself is smooth.

Now join the three strands at one end and plait them as you would do with three strands of hair when making a plait, and join them again at the end.

Put into the oven for about 40 minutes at 200 Celsius; of course I do not need to tell you to check after 30 and 35 minutes, because no two ovens are exactly the same.

The Hefezopf is tasty enough on its own, but it is at its best when you spread some butter on it as you would on a slice of bread, and have coffee or tea or hot chocolate with it.

It made a nice additon to our brunch!

Read in 2011 - 27: As the Pig Turns

Years ago, my mother-in-law sent me the first three of four books of a series I have come to really enjoy: the Agatha Raisin series by M.C. Beaton.

There is an official website for all things Agatha, and other series by the same author. Now, if you are looking for the most elaborate plots, the most descriptive landscape scenes, the most atmospheric places and high-brow literature, you will be disappointed.

But if you are looking for fast-paced, entertaining and sometimes rather comical "Cosy Mysteries", then I think you will like Agatha Raisin.

"As the Pig Turns" is the latest in the series, and if there is one thing I don't like about these books is that I finish them so quickly.

Things really do happen fast, and sometimes M.C. Beaton (real name Marion Chesney) skips through several months in one brief paragraph. Still, the recurring cast of characters is, in the course of the series, portrayed deeply enough to make you think you "know" those people, and can get a rather clear image in your mind of what they look and speak and move like.

This time, a murder is committed in the nearby Cotswolds village of Winter Parva (it does not really exist, just as Agatha's chosen home village of Carsely does not exist, but the way these villages are described, you can tell they are modeled on real life). The dead body is displayed in the most gruesome fashion, and turns out to be that of a policeman generally hated by everyone - but hated enough to be murdered?

Agatha is set to find out, and in the course of her investigation, unlike in most of the other parts of the series, she herself is never really in danger, but several of her friends and staff at her detective agency are almost killed.

Agatha is famous for always needing a man she can be obsessed about in her life. Her ex-husband makes an appearance, as does her ex-(? really?)lover Charles (I still think she should set up shop with him for good; he is my favourite male character in the series and I know exactly what he looks and speaks like). In the last chapter of the book, though, we witness the start of something new - the author clearly leaves room here for the next instalment, which I am already looking forward to.

Let me give you a few examples of typical Agatha-Raisin-style bits:

While Agatha and her ex-husband James (he had helped her in the past with her investigations) have a meal at a restaurant together, they discuss the latest developments in the case:

"Did Gary Beech leave a will?" asked James.

"Yes. He left everything to Amy." She pulled out her mobile and dialled Patrick [an employee at her detective agency]. When she rang off, she said: "No further news. There are the diamonds, of course. That's probably what they were looking for. Maybe Amy put the house up for sale. The police have surely finished with it."

"Let's just enjoy our dinner, go home and change, and then we'll break in."

Agatha grinned happily. "Quite like old times."

A short but nice description of Agatha's surroundings:

Agatha could almost smell the countryside coming to life after the bitter winter. The sky above was pale blue, and somewhere nearby a blackbird poured down its song.

It was on mornings like this that Agatha realized why she loved living in the Cotswolds so much. Perhaps, she thought, there is nowhere more beautiful in Britain than this man-made piece of England with its thatched cottages and gardens crammed with flowers.

At a banquet held to honour the "Woman of the Year", the "host" is described in a way I can really see and hear him:

Guy Brandon took the microphone. [He] was wearing a pale blue sweater over a striped shirt and very tight jeans.

He began to 'amuse'. He twittered, he clowned, he laughed hilariously at his own jokes, and in all, thought Agatha, he bored for Britain.

One of Agatha's employees, 18-year-old Toni, features quite a lot in this book. She has a rather different life from that of many other 18-year-olds, taking her work seriously:

She often felt quite lonely in the evenings these days. Her old school friends seemed like strangers. She felt she had moved on out of their world: a world of discos and binge drinking and dreaming of becoming celebrities without getting any skills such as acting, singing or dancing.

While I fear this really is true for many teenagers (not only in Britain), I know there are still some Toni-like, responsible and level-headed girls and boys out there; one of them being, for instance, my niece Beth - she takes school seriously, works at a book shop in her spare time and still does not forget to have fun. Last month, she turned 18; next year, she is going to start at Liverpool Uni (if all goes well), to study Egyptology.

Well, this was not intended to be about my family, but simply the book review of my latest read.

And now, I am turning to non-fiction again.

Read in 2011 - 26: Friedrich II.

Friedrich II. (born 1196, died 1250) is someone I have been fascinated with since my teenage years, when I first read a biography of him. For Christmas 1985 (I was 17 then), my parents gave me a historic novel (much more a history book than a novel, really, since everything was well researched and based on facts) about Friedrich. Only 3 months before, I had travelled rather extensively on Sicily and seen for myself many of the places where Friedrich lived, and I had stood at his tomb in the cathedral of Palermo (I have written about that here).
More than 25 years later, in the literature section of my weekly newspaper, the ZEIT, was a short article about a new Friedrich biography. Since I still had a gift certificate for one of the book shops in my town, I decided to use it on that biography:  "Friedrich II." by Olaf B. Rader.

It would be too much to go into all the detail here of Friedrich's life and death and the times he lived in; for a summary, you can go to the wikipedia article about him.

Professor Rader did, in my opinion, a very good job in that he does not simply repeat what others had written before him (and believe me, a great deal has been written about Friedrich!) but he puts the contrasting descriptions, legends and myths that started to form even while the man himself was still alive in context with what we actually do know as historically secure information.
A lot of the legends are explained that way; not much different from today's journalism, the "facts" presented about a certain topic, a person or a country dipend very much from the writer's perspective and opinion.

The book is non-fiction, but written so well and entertaining it is not boring for a second. There are illustrations and a map at the end as well as a very useful family tree - with so many Friedrichs and Heinrichs and the succession of wives "our" Friedrich had, it is easy to get confused.
Equally useful is the timeline at the end of the book.

The author looks at Friedrich's life not just from one angle, but scrutinizes his subject under various aspects such as "The Seafarer", "The Lover", "The Poet", "The Tyrant", "The Antichrist", "The Emperor", "The Falconer" and many more. The picture that emerges is that of a highly complex character who lived and ruled in a very complex environment - certainly not an easy life, in spite of all the wealth, and also certainly never boring.

I learnt some (to me) astonishing things about how the administration of an empire and the royal court was organised in the Middle Ages, and how advanced some of the ideas back then were.

This was a book I do not regret having spent a gift certificate on - I am definitely going to read it again at some stage.

Look Above!

No matter where I am, in a private home or a stately one, in a concert hall or a shopping mall, at the hairdresser's or in an office, I look at the ceiling.

My interest in ceilings stems from a time when I was so bored (today people would say I was "underchallenged") at school that I invented a game that helped me through seemingly endless lessons, and it soon developed into something I still do today, not only to keep my mind occupied when there is not much else I can do, but also because it is fun:

In any room, in any building, imagine the room was upside down and the ceiling was the floor, complete with all its arches, stukko ornaments, beams, fire alarms, sound and light systems and so on. Where would you sit? Which part of the room would you explore first? How would you get from one corner to the other? Would you have to jump or climb your way across?

Last Sunday I had the chance to visit parts of Ludwigsburg's castle/stately home I had never been to before (see my previous post for more info), and of course I looked at the ceilings.

Here is some of what I found - not all pictures show the colours as bright as they really are, since lighting was not always ideal for taking pictures.

Let me start with some typical baroque detail; these are, of course, no real jewels; they are made of plaster. What IS real, though, is the gold. All throughout Ludwigsburg castle, the gold ornaments you see on ceilings and walls are covered in 22 1/2 carat cold leaf.

I guess you can easily spot where the detail in the first picture is taken from here on the bigger picture. Good job my camera can zoom in!

All around the room, there are portraits of, I believe, allegories for the arts and crafts, or maybe they are supposed to be muses.

 Some of the portraits deserve a closer llook, such as this beautiful lady.

Or look at him! That haughty look on his face is excellent, isn't it! I like to think the artist portrayed people known to him in real life.

 Another typical baroque ceiling.

 Don't you wish you could join the lady on the balustrade?

One of many doors that are usually closed to the public. I am 5' 8'' and I reach about half way up that door.

 Whoever painted this did not forget to give the owl its dinner!

Detail from the door picture. Now, I usually do have a thing for fauns (I just wish they weren't so hairy), but the wide mouth and big moustache and beard on this one are a bit too much.

 Tucked away in a corner of a staircase normally not open to the public, I found this dog.

 The condition in which they found some of the doors before starting to restore them.

One last look at some roof detail. See Father Time sat beneath the clock? A good reminder right now that it is time for me to get a shower and get dressed and start working!

A Family Outing

On one of the blogs I have recently begun to follow, the author shows pictures of his family which, even without the accompanying quotes and comments, reveal his love for them. Now, I'd love to show you a picture I took of my parents and my sister on Sunday, but they won't have it - I am strictly forbidden to post pictures of people other than myself, and of course I respect their decision in spite of not fully understanding it.

Still, I can tell you about what we did on Sunday, and show pictures of the event without letting you see my Mystery Family :-)

My home town Ludwigsburg is famous for its castle; I've posted pictures of it several times before, for instance here and here.

It is said to be Germany's biggest Baroque castle still standing, and visitors can go for a guided tour in the state rooms, something I have done so many times (and will keep doing) that I could be a tour guide myself.

Last Sunday, though, a small trade fair was held in and around the castle: several companies of Ludwigsburg and the surrounding area presented themselves and their products. There were stalls where you could buy food, such as the delicious Flammkuchen being baked on site in a big wood oven, jewellery, toys, clothes, Christmas and other ornaments, wine, cosmetics, lingerie and more; there was also a stall of one of several dance schools, advertising for new participants in their courses, a choir, a band and an exhibition about the challenges encountered and the methods used in restoring to their former glory the wall paintings, wooden doors and printed wallpaper serveral centuries old that adorn the castle.

Most interesting for me were not the people or the companies and their products, but the rooms we got to see - these are rooms not normally part of the tour, and I was able to see corners and stair cases and small rooms in the castle where I have never set foot before.

It was lovely to spend this sunny but cold November afternoon with my family, just the four of us, and I hope to convey some of it with these pictures - without acutally showing the most important people attending :-)

View from the South terrace/balcony towards the "tiny hunting lodge" that was built there in order for the Duke of Württemberg to have parties and dinners with his hunting friends and other guests. 
It was still overcast when we arrived at around noon. The dinosaurs to the left are the remnants of the pumpkin exhibition and will not stay there.

 The same view, zoomed in.

 Flammkuchen, straight from the oven! There is mulled wine in the glass behind it.

A little later, the sun came out, and it turned out be yet another glorious SUNday. Cars are not permitted into the inner courtyard of the castle; the one you can see to the left is part of a car dealer's exhibition that was allowed for the day.

 Ever wanted a red Porsche? Well, you probably didn't have this one in mind :-)

There will be a seperate post about some of the odd or beautiful detail I photographed, as well as the ceiling and wall paintings.