Worries & Relief (Partly...)

Who knows me in real life also knows that, most of the time, I am quite bouncy, cheerful and not easily brought down by events. And basically, this is still true today; I have such a lot to be happy about and plenty to look forward to.
But yesterday, I was rather subdued, and while some of my worries were partly relieved, another one has increased.

If you have been reading my blog for a while, you have come across my cat Pukky several times already. She is rather old and fragile - we don't know how old exactly, because she grew up on the streets, but the vet's estimate is somewhere around 15 years. Two of her fangs have been missing for 1 1/2 years now, and she has a known heart conditon and her thyroid is over-active, but until very recently, she still had a healthy appetite, following me around the house and especially into the kitchen every time I went in that direction.

For the past two to three weeks, she has lost so much weight, she is now at less than 2 kg (used to be 4!). Every little effort makes her lay down and rest instantly afterwards; she has stopped jumping up on the settee, her bed or my lap, which used to be her habit. When I lift her up and place her on my lap or the settee next to me, she just stays there. She purrs when I stroke her, and until yesterday, she purred loudly when I was getting her food ready (almost always with some medication mixed into it) and while she was eating.

Yesterday, we've been to the vet's. Her heart was examined, and things are not looking good. The antechamber is twice the size it should be, and there is danger of water accumulating so that she would literally drown internally. The right heart chamber is as weary as an old rubber band and has lost almost all of its elasticity, making it very difficult for the heart to pump blood at the rate it is needed. The weight loss is most likely due to both her thyroid and her heart problems, but to make sure we give her the right medication at the right dosage, a blood test is being made and I have to phone in today to learn the results.

When we were home, she was exhausted but wanted to eat, and in the evening, I sat on the settee with her for a long time, stroking her and listening to her purring.

This morning, when I came out of my bedroom, she did not get up from her favourite place (a door mat just in front of my bedroom door in the tiny hallway) and follow me into the kitchen; she just stayed there. I lifted her up and she did not purr. Usually, an egg, slightly beaten with a fork, is irresistible to her; I prepared one and set it in front of her on the kitchen floor. She did eat very little, and I had the impression she was doing this more out of politeness, doing me a favour. After only a few sips, she went to "her" room and retreated underneath the bed. She is there now, and I periodically check on her to see whether she is still breathing.

Pukky is not my first cat, and not the first one I lose to old age and illness, and mentally, I am of course always prepared for that - as is everyone who has been a pet owner for a long time. But seeing her so weak makes my heart ache, and I find it rather hard to concentrate on work today.

Also, on Monday night, I had upsetting news from a close friend of mine: he is in hospital after having suffered a particular form of stroke. This came totally out of the blue, and when I researched the medical term, the information I found sounded very scary.
So you can imagine my relief when, last night, I had better news: the prognosis is good, and he is expected to make a full recovery eventually.

My friends and family mean a lot to me (I am no exception there), and I do hope he'll be getting better every day.
As for Pukky, I'll have to wait and see.

Feeling Comfortable in One's Own Life

This is what the movie RJ and I watched last night mostly made me think of.
The title of the DVD is "Up in the Air", the main characters are played by George Clooney, Vera Farmiga and Anna Kendrick. Me not being much of a movie person in general, apart from Mr. Clooney, I didn't know any of the other actors - which is what I like; seeing someone over and over again, unless they really are firm favourites, sometimes can result in making a character less credible to me simply because the person playing him or her is, sadly, too "fixed" in my mind to a certain style of story or character. On the other hand, casting that does not follow the set lines can make a movie much more interesting.

But I digress.
"Up in the Air" follows a man whose job it is to lay off employees in companies where the boss is too much of a coward to speak to said employees in person. A sad job, it seems, but Ryan Bingham is very good at it and, more than anything else, he loves his way of life: always up in the air, travelling (first class, of course!) from one big city to the other, staying in hotels where he has everything he needs, having a clean-cut life free of committments and with very little luggage, both physically and emotionally. Or so it seems.

A young woman, new to the company he works for and fresh from university, full of ideas, presents a program that would totally cut all the travelling for Ryan and his colleagues, dealing with the to-be-fired employees via video call. Ryan is completely against the idea; the reasons he gives his boss are to do with the sensitive and personal nature of the conversations with the soon unemployed people, and part of him really feels that way. But more important to himself is that this would mean the end of the life he created for himself and in which he feels so utterly comfortable - the only times he is truly unhappy are those days he is NOT travelling but is in his sparsely furnitured apartment in Omaha (the apartment is cleverly shown in the movie in clinical colours and no personal items at all, while the hotel rooms we get to see are always full of warm colours, look very cosy and are tastefully decorated and furnished).

So he ridicules the new woman in front of their boss, and is promptly asked to take her along on his next trip, so that she can learn the ropes. Since he has no choice, Ryan grumpily accepts.

The two meet at the airport, and a rather unrealistic bit follows: the young woman, in all other respects the epitome of professional, cool efficiency, arrives with a suitcase she can hardly drag across the floor and way too much luggage. Of course, this gives Ryan the possibility to show her how little she knows of his world (he buys a proper trolley suitcase for her, gets rid of her pillow and so on), but it is not very credible that this capable young woman would set out on such an important trip so ill prepared - and it certainly would not be her first trip, anyway.
Never mind; the scene serves its purpose and does not generally take away from the movie's overall feel.

During one of his previous trips, Ryan has met Alex, a business woman who (in her own words) is "exactly like you, just with a vagina". The two of them have spent the night together and get along extremely well; one really feels these are two of a kind, and Alex seems to be exactly what Ryan is looking for in a woman: no strings, and the same love for unattached, comfortable and efficient travelling as he.

Now, with his young colleague Natalie in tow, he meets Alex again (I have left out some rather difficult conversations with employees Natalie either witnessed or had to lead herself). Just before Alex turns up, Natalie does not only show cracks in her wall of professional coolness, but completely crashes down because her boyfriend has broken up with her by text message.
A tearful Natalie sits down with Alex and Ryan, and the ensuing conversation is quite interesting for all three of them. Later, they gate-crash a party thrown at the hotel, and Natalie lets loose and shows her young, fun side, while Alex and Ryan get closer, too.

Ryan receives an invitation to his younger sister's wedding, and decides to ask Alex along. The weekend turns out to be a trip down memory lane for him, as well as a glimpse of what the future could be like - with Alex, who seems to fall under the spell of this enchanted time just as much as everyone else.

Shortly afterwards, Ryan decides he wants to be with Alex and pays her a surprise visit... and a surprise it is, just not in the way he intended.

Back in Omaha, his boss tells him that the company has postponed the program of video calls, and that he can fully resume his travelling. While he is on his next flight, the crew of the plane congratulate him: he is the 7th person who has logged up 10 million miles, and now member of this very exclusive club. This was (as he confessed to both Alex and Natalie some time ago) his ultimate goal in life, and now he has reached it; the scene has a slightly unreal feel to it (the lighting is very clever in this one), and for a moment, I would not have been surprised if it had just proved to be a dream of Ryan's.

Now that he actually has - once again - exactly the way of life he always felt most comfortable in, plus his big goal achieved, Ryan should be happy.
But for him, the movie ends on a rather melancholy note, while he does some very kind and generous things to make others happy.

It was a good film to watch; I am not entirely in agreement with the overall "message", but the acting is good, the storyline clever enough, and the music fits very well.

The Longest Walk

A week ago, I was physically and mentally desperate to get OUT after not only a whole week spent mostly indoors but what felt like months and months of inclement weather that made it necessary to prepare for even the shortest venturing out of the front door as if it was a polar expedition.

So when Saturday came and I knew I was going to be on my own and therefore not under any schedule other than what daylight dictated, I decided to walk to a place where I have often cycled to, but never gone on foot.

Knowing that it was going to be a distance of at least 15 km (around 9 1/2 miles), I figured I should leave the house no later than 2.00 pm in order to make it back home before nightfall.

Therefore, I made sure I finished ironing, dusting, hoovering, wiping the floors, emptying the bins and doing some groceries shopping in time for a quick cheese sandwich around 1.00 pm, and was ready to leave a bit before 2.00.

It wasn't the best of weather, and I knew there were going to be some wet and muddy patches, so my wellies (see previous post) were the obvious choice of footwear (they are also very comfortable because they are a bit on the big side, allowing for an extra pair of woolly socks), and I took a brolly with me as well as my camera.

Every time I turned a corner or a new stretch of path began, I took a picture.

The fields are still bleak, and there were hardly any people about, as you will see if you endure this post long enough to look at all the photos. 

And yet, there was something very soothing about this almost featureless bleakness.

My mind was not challenged in any way, making it easy to sort out the whirling fragments of thoughts, ideas and memories. My feet were leading their own life, just taking me steadily further on; I know those paths too well to have to think about where I am going.

3 1/2 hours later, I had completed just a bit over 20 km (ca. 12 1/2 miles). It felt good - I felt good. It was the longest walk I have gone for this year so far, but I am intent on going for many more, as well as some proper hikes.

Having reached the outer rim of town, it's uphill towards the oldest of the four water reservoirs here.

I do have a thing about doors and doorways. Wonder when was the last time someone used this gate.

The water reservoir is at my back now. The monument to the left is to mark the site of celtic tomb.

A better view of the water reservoir. It was built in 1936 and is a popular place for rooks.

Heading west.

Now south, and uphill. This bit is not very popular with me when I am training for the CityRun!

And downhill, although it doesn't really show on this picture.

West again, towards one of the farms dotted around the fields.

Asparagus are growing underneath these ugly plastic covers.

Past the farm, and south again.

Looking back, the water reservoir is on the horizon, right in the middle here.

West again...

...and south, right through a nursery.

Some VERY oddly shaped trees there!

And a strange looking army of sorts.

On past the nursery with its rows of greenhouses...

across a road, and another farm coming up...

...where I see this cat, not exactly basking in the sun, but enjoying a quiet moment without too much wind and rain. Just a few minutes before, what had been a mere sprinkle had turned into proper rain, and for a moment or two, I had considered breaking off and going back home. But I did have my brolly with me, and was wearing my wellies, and the rain stopped and did not come back for the rest of my walk.

Past the farm and round a bend...

...towards another farm. Most of the farms around here sell their produce in little shops directly on their grounds, some are dairy farms, others sell more eggs and meat, while others again offer a variety of fruit and vegetables. One of them have a rather big shop plus a café-restaurant which is very popular, especially with families with kids, because the kids can run around and look at the animals (goats, pigs, sheep, horses and ponies), and the restaurant is often rented as a venue for weddings and other celebrations. On Mother's Day, you have no chance to even get your foot in the door, it is so packed. Their cooking and baking is excellent, with their own procude according to the season.

But now let's walk on, slightly uphill again...

...and to my left, now for the first time, I can see the place I am headed for: this group of trees.

So I am not wasting any time and walk on.

There is always enough time for a photo, though, and this immense field of reeds, much higher than I am, I find very intriguing. There is no way one can see further than a few steps in, and of course, something like this always triggers off my imagination.

Past the field of reeds (by the way, I don't know what they are grown for. One possible explanation is that the reeds are used for thatching, but in my area, there aren't any thatched roofs.) and slightly downhill again.

You can tell it has been raining - hooray for wellies!

But doesn't the sky look a tad bit lighter over there?

Or maybe I am only imagining it.

The motorway crosses here, but every now and then, a tunnel allows walkers, cyclists and the odd car to pass underneath.

Out of the tunnel, I touch the outer rim of one of the small towns near my town.

But before I'm actually in that town, I am out of it again. The group of trees I am headed for is now visible again on the horizon.

Almost there!

Only a few more steps...

...and here I am. As expected, nobody else has chosen to come here today.

This stone is not a natural stone. It has been sculpted from gravel and covered in some kind of cement to look like a real piece of rock, specifically to hold the plaque in its middle. Want to know what the plaque says?

It commemorates the 22nd of September 1888, when the German Kaiser stood at exactly this spot to inspect the troops of two of the regiments stationed nearby, and those regiments' towns later erected this monument. I guess it left a lasting impression on people back then when they had seen the Kaiser in person. We don't know the offical name of this place, but when we talk about it in my family, we always simply call it the Kaiser. So when I told my sister of my plans for the day and I said to her I intended walking to the Kaiser and back, she knew what I was talking about.

Having reached my goal, I felt a sense of accomplishment. The running/walking meter on my mobile phone told me that, until here, I had walked a bit over 10 km. And now, before the weather could turn nastier again, I was heading back.

Not wanting to do exactly the same route twice, after the first stretch...

...I took a left turn and down a rather steep hill, although it does not show in the picture. When I do this route by bike, it's a great hill to race down!

Arriving at the bottom and looking back, the Kaiser seems already quite far away.

The next bit leads towards the motorway again...

...and through another tunnel underneath it.

Now I am coming past the farm again where I saw the black cat.

Across the road again and past the nursery's greenhouses...

...and the weather has definitely taken a turn for the better!

Last year in August, I wrote about an evening with friends: http://librarianwithsecrets.blogspot.com/2011/08/evening-with-friends.html

and the place where I spent that evening is just visible on the horizon now.

Lovely to feel the sun on my back as I head east again.

By my long shadow you can tell the afternoon is progressing, and I want to be home before the evening.

So, on I walk.

And on. Do you know what this wooden "gallow" is for? You find these all around here; they are stands for birds of prey such as buzzards.

Another farm coming up.

Walking past the farm, there's a suburb of my home town.

But I am not going there, I'll stay on the fields as long as possible.

The farm coming into view now is the one with the restaurant I was talking about earlier.

During winter, the café is closed, otherwise I might have been tempted to go in and have coffee and cake, but I am walking past it, towards the suburb again.

A lot of new houses have been built here over the last year. This was all fields until not that long ago.

The shadows are getting longer.

And it is not quite as sunny anymore as it was for a glorious little while.

Good job then that it is not very far now.

Up here, and back into town; another 15 minutes from here, and I am home.

Have I deserved that coffee and cheese sandwich now, or what? And so have you, for bearing with me!