Einbahnstraße

Einbahnstraße is the German word for one-way road, and this is what the road sign looks like in this country:





It is also how I often feel these days when it comes to communicating (or, rather, trying to communicate) with some of my friends.
Sending messages that remain unanswered, suggesting things we could do together that are met with a shrug (if there is any reaction at all), asking questions that are never replied to.

They are busy, yes; aren't we all?
They are too busy for me - ok, that explains it.

Of course there are other people in their lives who are a lot worthier of their time and attention than I am; and yet, to be forgotten or dismissed in such an obvious manner has me wondering what makes my value as a friend so much lower than theirs.

When it comes to being busy, I am no exception. There is a long mental list of things I'd love to do "one day", of places I'd like to see "one day", of people I want to meet again "one day" and of languages and other skills I wish to learn "one day".
That "one day" might never come, though, if I wait too long.

My husband lived here for almost 10 years; none of his friends or family ever came to see him while he was still alive, although England is less than 2 hours on a plane from here. There was always the possibility to do this "one day", while everybody was busily getting on with their everyday lives. When he died, both his sisters and his niece came over for the funeral; all of a sudden, it was possible, and the things that had kept them from making the trip earlier, like work and school and other obligations, took a back seat on the list of priorities.

I am mentioning this here only as an example of how we should never take our friends for granted. They may continue making an effort in being in touch with us for another while, even for years to come, but if we never return their calls or messages, one day they might give up on us, and eventually we possibly wake up to regret that we have been too busy for them, and it is too late.

Honestly, I do not want that to happen with my friends.
They are far too precious to me - even though, sadly, I appear not to be for them.

On the other hand, if I have simply been to thick to get the message all this time, maybe now is the right moment to leave it, and finally become self-sufficient.