Read in 2019 - 2: Jahrgang 1963

Jahrgang 1963 - Eine Kindheit unter dem Einfluss der Kriegsgeneration und progressiven 68er
Holger Hähle

As I said in my next-to-last post, I've been reading two German books in a row; quite a change from my usual reading habits.
This one was an interesting read in that the author describes his own childhood and youth, and since he is only 5 years older than I, there is a lot I can relate to.

Much of the book is dedicated to young Holger's struggle with what he perceives as his own inadequacies, and trying to understand the world around him. 
He has an active mind and is interested in many things, but not overly keen on spending his afternoons with the other children of his neighbourhood - he is happiest when he can roam the woodland behind his house all on his own, making discoveries about natural life he is sure the others know nothing about and are not interested in anyway.

More often than not, he is told (at school and home) that he could do better with some effort, and his clumsiness is frequent cause for breaking things and feelings of low self-esteem. Only when he finds out that practise does indeed make next to perfect, this changes somewhat; he excels in sports by sheer tenacity, pushing himself to his physical limits - never to impress others, but to prove to himself that he can do it.

The world around him is confusing and puzzling. He grows up in an era where in this country (Germany) many of the teachers from pre-war times were still teaching, but at the same time a new generation of young, liberal-thinking teachers were starting their work at schools all over the country.

Some of the elderly men had not changed. WWII may have been over decades ago, but they were still sticking to their old ideas of discipline and racism, acquired during the Nazi years when they were studying to be teachers. In contrast, the new teachers were anti-authoritarian and did not want to teach discipline, but free thinking. A perfect mix to confuse any student!
For young Holger, it means he can not find anyone he really sees as a guide among the adults; his family members and neighbours are just the same as the teachers. Their contradictory claims on what is right and what is wrong is inacceptable. There is only one way - he has to find out for himself, and make up his own mind, his own set of rules and values to live by.

He comes to love mathematics and natural sciences, as they are so clear and logical; there is no confusion in maths about what is right or wrong, and the natural world follows its rules without constantly changing them.

I liked this book, even though I found it unnecessarily lengthy in places. The author obviously tried really hard to convey what he was thinking, and why, but repeating the same thought several times just in different words does not necessarily bring home a point any clearer. Also, there are quite a few bits where he uses a term or expression wrongly, but I should not be too strict - at the time of writing, the author was obviously not (yet) a well-practised or trained writer.
And besides, this was of course a free ebook - one more reason not to complain.