Tuesday 5 November 2013

Good Days, Sad Times

My life isn't different from anyone else's in that there are always Good Things as well as stuff that makes me sad or angry, although I often get the impression that I get a lot more of the Good Things than many people I know.

The last two weeks or so are a good example of such ups and downs, with definitely more ups than downs, so here is a brief (at least I'll try to keep it that way) summary:

The week before last, I only worked on Monday and Tuesday, and had the rest of the week off. I spent those days off doing such nice things as going shopping, having cocktails and resting.

My Mum went shopping with me, and showed a lot of patience in moving with me from one shop to the next, finding the items I was trying on in a different size and so on. I came home with a pair of shoes, a pair of grey trousers (for the office) and a dress - and in need of a nice mug of coffee on my settee!
The shoes. I am going to show you the dress in another post, and maybe the grey trousers, too.

On the following day, I went for lunch at my Mum's. Before climbing the stairs to my parents' place, I stopped at the ground floor flat of a friend of my Mum's who had asked us for a glass of sparkling wine. We shared that with her and one of her cats (don't worry, of course the cat did not have any of the sparkling wine - but she threw down and smashed one of the glasses shortly after this picture was taken).
She's a Maine Coon, her name is Velvet, and she's just beautiful - and of a very pleasant, easy-going disposition.

While my Mum was getting lunch ready, I took this picture of her balcony. Today, when I went there for my lunch break again, the beautiful hibiskus had been moved to its winter place in the staircase, and the flowers were almost all gone. It is, after all, November.

Later, we met up with my sister and went to have cocktails together, something we had not done in a long time. It was a proper girls' night, with some giggling and several drinks for each of us. The one I am holding there is what I almost always have at that place. It is called Bounty and tastes just like the chocolate bar of the same name: of coconut and chocolate. Its colour is a creamy white with a light brown chocolaty tinge, not yellow at all - that's just due to the very low lights at the bar.

Friday was spent relaxing, cleaning and shopping for food, and on the Saturday, RJ and I finally went dancing again, for the first time since June or July! We had a great time on the dance floor.

I had one more day off on the Monday, but ended up with a headache bad enough to keep me from working on the following Tuesday. By Tuesday evening, I was right as rain again. And no, that headache had nothing to do with sparkling wine or cocktails!
The mulberry tree in front of my living room window
The quince tree next to it
On Wednesday and Thursday, I worked as usual. Thursday was Halloween, as you all know; it is not a German tradition and has been introduced here only about 10 or 15 years ago for the sake of business. I never got into the whole Halloween thing, and am always glad that nobody rings my doorbell then. My house is in the second row from the road, and not many people know that it is even there. When my doorbell was rung 10 minutes after I had come home from work, I expected it to be some trick-or-treating kids, and at first did not want to answer. But then I did answer, and a woman's voice, sounding rather agitated, asked whether I had a cat. I said that I didn't, not anymore, but the family downstairs had one, why? She then explained that she and her husband had just witnessed a cat being run over by a car on the street where I live, and when I asked her what the cat looked like and she said it was a tiger, of course I thought it was Lucky, my downstairs neighbours' cat (you've seen him several times on my blog). Nobody was home downstairs, so I put my shoes and my coat back on and followed the woman, her husband and their babies in the twin pram to the street corner where the poor cat had died a minute ago.

Another neighbour had by then wrapped the dead cat in a towel and removed it from the road. I asked to see it, so that I could identify it, and immediately recognized it as not being Lucky, but another cat I'd often met and sometimes stroked on my way to the supermarket. Once I said which cat it was, the neighbour with the towel had a closer look and said that I was right; it turned out the knew the name of the cat (Krümel, which means crumb, a German nickname for someone really small) and was on first-names terms with its owner. He now had the sad task of taking the dead cat to said owners and break the sad news to them. I went home, still a bit upset, but also glad that it had not been Lucky - and even more glad that poor little Krümel was already dead by the time I got there. It would have been unbearable to find him still alive, knowing there was nothing that we could do, the injuries were too serious.

Adding to my sadness was that I thought of Steve more than usual; it would have been his 45th birthday.

Friday, November the 1st, was a bank holiday in my part of Germany, and I was glad to have another day of rest.
RJ and I wore matching outfits.

On Saturday, my parents, RJ and I attended my Godmother's Golden Wedding. It was a nice day, starting off with a church service, during which the "Golden couple" renewed their marriage vows. The choir sang, the old church was warm and cosy, and I felt rather moved by some of the lines in the songs and in the prayers. For me, it was the first time after 43 years that I was back at the church where I had been baptized.
The reception after the service was good, too; there was plenty of delicious food, conversation with many people, some of which I had not seen in 20 years, and some games and performances by the couple's children and grandchildren.

Sunday was another Good Day. It was sunny and very, very windy, and RJ and I went for a long, wind-blown walk across the fields. At times the wind was so strong I could lean into it without falling over!

This week, I am back to my normal work schedule. Today is the 4th anniversary of Steve's death. It does not feel different from any other day, but of course that bizarre evening, the 5th of November 2009, is very much present in my mind. Nobody could have predicted the events of that day, or how my life changed after that. What I feel today, more than anything else, is immense gratitude towards all who were (and still are) there for me - not only during the first few hours, days and weeks, but also in the months that followed, and still bear with me when I keep mentioning Steve in (almost) everyday conversation. And of course I am thinking of Mary, my mother-in-law, a lot today. I have written about her a few times already; you can read one of those posts here.

Oh dear - this post has become much longer than I thought. If you are still here and have not fallen asleep from my rambling, congratulations - you've made it! Today's post ends

here.    

29 comments:

  1. Oh dear, you have had a rough week, Meike. I'm so sorry, but glad you spent good time with your mother. Sunday, I thought of my dad alot and talked about him some, not realizing until the next day that Nov.3 was the day we lost him three years ago.
    Hugs to you,
    Dorothy

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    1. Apart from the headache, the dead cat and the sadness induced by thinking of Steve, it was a really good week.
      So the beginning of November is a time of remembrance for you, too. Hugs back, Dorothy!
      Meike.

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  2. Your writing style is perfect. You have the ability to pull me along to the end. I hope you start to get more ups than downs.

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    1. Thank you, whoever you are, but I am realistic enough to know that my writing is far from perfect. As for the ratio ups:downs, I already feel that there are considerably more ups than downs in my life :-)

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  3. You do indeed have a life of changes and good things and unfortunate or sad ones. And I think you are right. Most people have such lives. But you do not waste the chances for good days, hours, minutes, with the people you love, or spending time in nature which is very healing. (And I really like your shoes. They have an elegant style about them.)

    You are in my thoughts as you remember the shock of losing your dear husband, Steve. I wish you comfort and healing.

    I had a happy week visiting my daughter Emily in Maryland, to help with getting her daughters to school, and so on, while her husband Ingmar was in Coburg. I spent lots of time with my granddaughters! My week had a strange mix of events for our family. On October 31st,sil Ingmar's Oma died in Coburg. On the same day my nephew and his wife who live in Heidenheim gave birth to twins, Franceska and Jonathan. And on November 5th, my nephew Miki and his wife who live in Budapest gave birth to a baby daughter, Klari Katalin. She was born on her older brother Benedek's third birthday and they had a party for him in the hospital. Life continues.

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    1. Just checked the spelling of the girl twin. It's Franziska.

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    2. Dear Kristi, thank you very much for your kind words. I know that you are no stranger to sad events yourself, and some of the posts I have read on your blog about your late husband are very touching.
      Yes, life and death are very close together, as the events in your family prove. I am glad you had a happy week with your daughter and granddaughters.

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  4. Isn't it amazing really how one week or sometimes one day can bring on such a melange of feelings and events. I often observe this and I am always glad that I am basically a very positive and optimistic person, which carries me through the sad times and allows me to enjoy the good ones. You seem to have a similar disposition! A big hug for you! Silke

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    1. Thanks, dear Silke! I am certainly blessed in that I have so much in my life to be happy about, it just seems a stupid waste of time and energy to focus on the not-so-happy bits. I will focus on them as long as I see a chance to change, but other than that, I won't allow them to hinder me.

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  5. A very mixed week. You seem to have a very good attitude to life though, accepting both the good and the bad times.
    On a rather frivolous note, I love your new shoes!

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    1. Thank you, Tracey! Yes, I like them, too. They go well with both trousers and skirts (as long as the skirt or dress has matching colours), and the leather is very soft, and the style classic enough to go with many things.

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  6. The ups and downs of life sometimes come at us so fast, don't they?

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    1. They certainly did during that couple of weeks for me!

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  7. Oh my goodness, Meike, that was a lot to absorb in such a short time, but you did a good job in conveying what an up and down time you have had lately.
    I love your Mum setting such a beautiful table for you to dine and I love you drinking that BOUNTY drink. You know I know what a Bounty chocolate bar is like! Take care.

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    1. My Mum always makes sure the table is set nicely, even for everyday meals when it is just her and my Dad.
      Mmm, yes, that Bounty was delicious :-)

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  8. This post shows ups and downs, both dramatic and small. I like your mums balcony, and that is a tough anniversary of Steve's death for you to face. Sharing drinks with friends, finding the dead cat, you packed a lot into a little bit of time.

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    1. I did, didn't I!
      The balcony looks a bit different now with most of the flowers gone, but it'll soon be decorated for Christmas, and that is nice, too.

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  9. I'm glad you can see and enjoy the Good Things at the same time as remembering the sad times, Meike. Life is a strange mix sometimes! In Sweden the American kind of Halloween celebrations seem to have sunk very much into the background again (it never really caught on) - and instead the tradition of remembering our loved ones and putting candles and decorations on their graves seems just to keep on growing. The balcony picture looks very cheerful. We have very little colour left here this time of year.

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    1. Here, as far as I know, only Catholic put candles and decorations on the graves on November the 1st (Allerheiligen = All Hallows); most people I know usually visit the cemetery on their dear departed's anniversaries or birthdays etc.
      A beautiful day today with plenty of sun and an unseasonably mild 15 Celsius!

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  10. Very much a sequence of mixed emotions. I have never been a person to commemorate anniversaries, for some reason they do not mean much to me,but they are an excuse to remember or think of the person or event that is being commemorated. Four years is not so long, I cannot think that memories could be expected to fade so much, even if you inevitably have to move on with your life.

    I am glad that you had some good times, too in the week.

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    1. Some people need a physical place to turn to when they want to feel close to the people they have lust, such as a grave would provide, some feel particularly close to them on anniversaries. It is good that we do have a choice there, and while I do not need a particular place (Steve's ashes were scattered in a Garden of Remembrance where I have not been since his funeral service), I am inclined to observe anniversaries, be it of the positive kind (such as birthdays and wedding anniversaries) or of the sad variety.

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  11. Your husband was taken too soon, its one of the puzzles and frustrations and sadness of life. You are a very strong person for what you have not only gone through, but how you have conducted yourself with such grace and cheerful optimism.
    I feel bad for the cat, but to tell you the truth I thought it was going to be something about your mother and I was so relieved to see it wasn't!

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    1. Thankfully, my parents are both well, and I hope it'll stay that way for many years to come!

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  12. So Velvet has "a pleasant easy going disposition" but throws glasses around. Hmmm.

    I can well understand why you mention Steve a lot and see absolutely no reason why you shouldn't do so in the way that you do: which is never in a morbid way.

    Anniversaries are a very personal thing. Like Jenny I've never really been a celebrator of anniversaries even though I tend to remember ones which are important to other people (and, ironically, I never forgot my wedding anniversary nor my wife's birthday etc) and I try always to help people celebrate by sending a card or whatever. It's a good day on which to let people know that you are thinking of them.

    Ironically my own birthday is also the day on which our son died and also the father of one of my old and closest friends. Gaz also used that day to propose to his (now) fiancée thus turning a potentially sad day into a day to be remembered for other reasons as well.

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    1. Yes, Velvet is normally a very mellow character, but for some reason, she decided to get down that side of the table where my Mum had placed her glass and mine - actually, to get them out of harm's way... But cats are sometimes unpredictable, and so on that day, she decided to jump off the table right where those glasses stood.

      What a good and touching move of Gaz to choose that particular day for his proposal!

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  13. This is such a wonderful post. I loved reading it. Thank you.

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    1. Thank YOU for reading it, and for your kind comment, Nan!

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