Work was the first task of the day, and it was pleasant working from home after I'd been at the office for four full days, with many meetings and lots to do in two very different projects I am working for these days.
Late morning, I went to the post office to get a birthday parcel for my mother-in-law Mary on its way to Yorkshire. In 2012, I posted about putting together a birthday gift for her, too; you can read that post here.
Not having posted about similar parcels in 2013, 2014 and 2015 does not mean I forgot Mary's birthday - it just means I didn't mention it on here. (Contrary to popular belief, I do NOT blog about each and every little detail of my life.)
This year, I have tried once again to include her favourite colours, and decided on this spring-like top I found in one shop, and the jewellery in another. The glass "stones" are called "cat eye", according to the labels, and I hope Mary will like them.
(Yes, the wrapping paper is the same I used in 2012, and I still have plenty left - it's rare that I use this type of paper for gift-wrapping.)
After my quick nip into town I had another hour or so at my desk before I left the house again, this time to attend a requiem for a friend's father who had died on the 1st of March. I have known my friend Inge for 38 years, ever since we started "big school" together in 1978.
In November 2014, her mother died. I attended the funeral and shall never forget the look of utter bewilderment and helpless grief on her father's face. That old man (he was in his 80s) sitting by the open grave, tears streaming down his face with him not making the slightest attempt to wipe them away... Even now, just thinking and writing about it, I am getting a little tearful.
Inge's parents were about 10 years older than my own. Her father missed his wife very much and I like to think that, whatever we believe, they are reunited now.
This requiem was the first I ever attended, and I was puzzled by a lot of what was going on. Everybody else seemed to know exactly what they were doing - getting up, sitting down, answering the priest either speaking or singing the right words at the right time. I've never been Catholic, and throughout my life have attended less than a handful of Catholic services/masses, so I didn't have a clue and was more an observer than participant.
It was also the first time I've been inside that particular church. It is the very same church I have mentioned here, less than 2 minutes to walk from my house.
The church is a modern building; I've never liked its looks from the outside. For me, the concrete bell tower has the aesthetics of a 1970s parking garage. Inside, it doesn't get much better; although I usually am all for empty walls and large clutter-free spaces, this minimalist approach takes away the warmth I expect in what is supposed to be the house of God.
Don't get me wrong - I do see the point in focusing less on the material and more on the spiritual world when it comes to churches. It is just not my personal taste, that's all.
(All photos taken from the official homepage of this community.)
After the requiem, I was freezing and hungry. Inge and her family went on to the cemetery where the funeral service and laying to rest was taking place. I went home and had a mug of steaming hot vegetable broth to warm up.
I worked some more and then, late afternoon, went to the gym. Only then did I feel really warm again!
Back home, I put in another hour of work, until one of my friends came to pick me up. We'd been invited to her sister's for dinner and enjoyed her great lasagne, red wine to match, delicious ice cream for dessert and a fun board game that I had brought along.
It was nearly 1:00 am until I was home, and switched the lights off just before 2:00.
A long and varied day it had been. Inge and I soon want to meet for a good comforting chat among friends. She and her brother are very close, and I hope they can be of comfort to each other during this difficult time.
Life is such a mixture, friends, birthdays, deaths. I don't like modern churches at all, I find them distracting and disturbing.
ReplyDeleteI am not the only one to not like modern churches, then! I just find them lacking atmosphere and warmth (not necessarily in terms of temperature).
DeleteWhatever our beliefs we have to take some comfort in that they are together again in spirit.
ReplyDeleteRegarding quiz questions - I have juet thought - I will post an old quiz sheet from last year, which has already been done and the prize given. I will choose one and post it early next week.
Yay! I am looking forward to the quiz questions on your blog, thank you :-)
DeleteHow beautiful that gift is!
ReplyDeleteA Catholic funeral mass is a strange thing. My grandfather had one, and I had no idea what to do, although everyone was very kind (and I was only 14).
I'm truly sorry for the loss of your friend's father.
Thank you, Jennifer. My friend said that, although her father had been very frail for a few years now, and ever since the death of her mother had lost his will to live, his death still came rather sudden over night and she and her brother didn't have a chance to say good-bye.
DeleteIn the end what we live for can be seen all round us, friends, work, and family. Not to forget pain, loss, and healing. Greetings to you.
ReplyDeleteIt's all part of the parcel, isn't it.
DeleteThanks for reading and commenting.
Your week certainly did cover a lot of important events. This post reminded me that the church I am a member of does not look like a church; it is huge and like an auditorium. We are very much about helping the community and the space is useful for that.
ReplyDeleteIt was all in one single day, Terra.
DeleteA large space in a church that does a lot of community work is certainly a good thing.
Is this your first visit to my blog? I can not remember having seen your name or avatar here before. Welcome to My Mental Library :-)
You're right, life can be very confusing and mixed, can't it? I agree with you about the church. It does look very cold and austere. We had a similar Catholic church here, less than a block from my home. I always felt it looked more like an auditorium than a church. However, about 15 years ago, it burnt down, and the replacement is much much nicer. Still doesn't have the grandeur and atmosphere of the beautiful old European cathedrals, but still a definite improvement!
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't have to be grand, I just like it to feel warm and "lived in", qualities this church does not have at all for me. Maybe it is different for those who go there regularly.
DeleteIt is good that you maintain your special bond with Steve's mother. It must mean a lot to her.
ReplyDeleteIt means a lot to both of us. I hope she is well; she hasn't been too great some weeks ago, but my sister-in-law usually keeps me posted about any news from her.
DeleteThe first funeral I attended was a few years ago and haven't attended since then. It was a heart-breaking, and very teary day.
ReplyDeleteI felt rather detached on this one, but that was mainly because I didn't know my friend's father very well.
DeleteOther funerals I have attended over the years - grandparents, other relatives, my husband, one of my former bosses, and a close friend who only lived to be 32 - were much more difficult, but also "good" in a strange way; a step towards healing for me.
I agree about that church, I think - it doesn't give a very welcoming first impression somehow. The funeral I attended last week was the first for me which was all non-religious (no hymns or prayers). Not that I've been to all that many altogether - and they've all differed a bit. What you write about your friends' mother's funeral reminds me of my own parents. (Which of course the recent death of dad's cousin did as well.) It's never easy but yet I find (and more the older I get) that partaking can still sort of "help" to deal with the fact. And the support of friends can be very important to the next-of-kin too on these occasions.
ReplyDeleteExactly how I feel about it, Monica (the healing/helping bit).
DeleteSteve's funeral was entirely non-religious, as I know he would not have wanted a priest conduct the service. Not having music was my choice - I knew I would completely crack with that.
We had a second funeral service in England after the first one in Germany. That one was all arranged and done by the family, and very, very moving, with music and poems.
Isn't your day a bit of a metaphor for life. All that happened in it. All the emotions you felt.
ReplyDeleteThat's precisely why I decided to post about my day in such detail, Nan.
DeleteWhen I lived in Germany in the early '70s a lot of the newer churches looked like this, or even more austere and cold. Very gray, some of them.....Not my style...
ReplyDeleteSome of the Baroque churches can be very very decorated, but still have a nicer feeling to me. There is a beautiful church near Bamberg Der Vierzehn Heilige. The light is wonderful though it's way over the top according to our current ideas of decoration.
You had a lot happening that day. I would have been exhausted with all the events and emotions.
I know what you mean about Baroque churches - they really went to town then with deco, didn't they!
DeleteWhat appeals to me most on a spiritual level are Gothic churches. The architecture and symbolism of that time "speaks" to me a lot more than nearly everything that came later.
It was a long day indeed, but I'd paced it all so that I didn't get too washed out.
To me (quite incorrectly, of course) a church is a place for meditation and contemplation and, ironically, I find that harder to do in an austere, ascetic place. Your day does sound like a full one with a quite wide spectrum of emotions. I think that you will have coped well, though, however you felt at any one time.
ReplyDeleteThat's true, Graham, it was, all things considered, a Good Day for me (I very rarely have Sad/Bad Days anyway).
DeleteI know exactly what you mean about churches.
I am not awfully keen on that church either, although I do believe that the people are what make any kind of community and so I expect to those who attend it regularly it is a place of comfort and acceptance. It sounds as if it was quite an emotionally strenuous day.
ReplyDeleteYou are of course right about the people making the community. It is just not my community, and apart from my friend and her brother, I knew maybe two other people at the funeral.
DeleteIt wasn't emotionally strenuous for me as I didn't know my friend's father well enough to be really grieving for him. On the contrary, I felt more relief than anything - for him, who had lost his will to live after his wife's death, to be now over and done with it all.