By "there" I mean my Dad's funeral, and the two and a half weeks leading up to that day were so long and varied, so busy and involved while at the same time feeling strangely detached that they felt like a trip on winding roads.
Monday, the 24th October - arriving at that date means exactly two months left until Christmas Eve, my favourite holiday. This year, it will be difficult, as I have never known it without my Dad.
Weatherwise, the day was windy but mild, bringing some rain on the wings of a thunderstorm. After work, I went to my Mum's to help her with a few things and was rewarded with a large and delicious piece of Zwiebelkuchen (literally "onion cake", but it isn't a sweet cake, more something like a mix between pizza and quiche).
Tuesday (Oct. 25) was sunny and warm again. I worked until 3:00 pm and then made my way to Stuttgart for the annual members' conference of my work association (Data Protection Officers). Although the association has nearly 2,000 members, only about 50 were present at the meeting. Our relatively small group was invited to an "after show" party at the offices of our supervisory authority, spread over two floors of a nondescript office block in the city centre. There was live music by a tiny combo with a saxophone and a cello, wine and beer (and soft drinks) plus a large assortment of snacks. We were free to roam the halls (not the single offices, of course) and admire the artwork installed. I remember the time I arrived home: 21:21.
The next two days (Wednesday and Thursday, Oct. 26 and 27), the actual conference took place, this time with much better attendance than the members' meeting. We were pampered and had plenty of coffee, tea, fruit juices and snacks in between sessions, and on the Wednesday evening, a formal dinner with speeches and so on. It was all very strange to me, as if I had entered a parallel universe where my Dad's recent death and all the things we still needed doing were unknown, but ever present in my mind.
O.K. arrived at my place on the Thursday evening.
My Dad's funeral was on Friday, the 28th of October. The day started cloudy but later the sun came out, lighting up the beautiful flowers around the blue bird marking my Dad's grave. Friends and family, neighbours and former colleagues of my parents arrived; some of them had not seen my parents in years, and although it was good to see them, I couldn't help thinking how much my Dad would have enjoyed their visit while he was still at home. Why is it that people can come to someone's funeral but not visit them while they are still alive?
With all the sadness the funeral obviously meant, it was a good day and an important step in the grieving process.
One of my cousins who lives in Paris had to travel back only the next evening, and so O.K. and I spent most of Saturday (Oct. 29) with him. During our childhood, my sister and I were pretty close to our cousins, but with everyone growing up, moving away and following different paths in life, we rarely saw each other over the years. Still, when you have known someone as a child, that connection is still there, and it was a very nice day.
Sunday, the 30th of October, was the warmest day of that week: 25C! O.K. and I had a leisurely breakfast and then went walking until mid-afternoon, stopping for a shandy at Asperg's Nature Friends.
As you can see, I did not take many photos that week, and during the week had little chance for walks apart from the short distance from my house to the train station and back. But being in a work-focused environment for two and a half days was good and helpful, as was the funeral and all that it entailed.
I can see how being busy at the conference helped you get through those days leading up to the funeral. I remember at my parents' funerals how comforting it was to hear all of the wonderful old stories that people had to share about my parents. It helped me remember the happy times before their illnesses. I am glad you had a nice service to celebrate your Dad's wonderful life.
ReplyDeleteMy Dad was a kind, hard-working man who would never say no when it came to helping a friend, neighbour or colleague. His sense of humour made him popular with whoever he met, be it the lady at the supermarket checkout or the other allotment keepers.
DeleteBe good to yourself, my dear. You know your Dad would want that too! Sending you hugs to you and to your sweet Mum. (And to your sister who has the good taste to like "Stranger Things" too!) xx
ReplyDeleteThank you, Kay. Hugs to you and Richard; your beautiful card meant a lot, too. xx
DeleteFunerals can certainly involve a lot of 'mixed feelings' but you're right about it being 'an important step in the grieving process'. The first Christmas is also hard, but that too will be another step in that process... But I know you already know that... ♥
ReplyDeleteI do, Monica, and I know that you went through that already since you lost both your parents years ago. I am so glad to still have my sister, like you have your brother. With our immediate family now reduced from four to three, we need to look out for each other even more than before.
DeleteA parallel universe, indeed. Feeling as though there are two of you going the same way physically, but with thoughts scattered in different directions.
ReplyDeleteSo good to hear the funeral went well and that you were able to spend time with friends and family you had not seen a long time--and especially thankful you were supported by O.K. during this heart-wrenching time. Good to know your mother, sister and you were surrounded with love. The cherished memories you hold of your father will sustain you now and in the future. Take care. x
Thank you, Mary.
DeleteEveryone has been so very kind to us.
x
I can very much relate to that sense of detachment when the world carries on as if nothing has happened. The death of a loved one sharpens one's senses even though we exist as though in a dreamlike state.
ReplyDeleteYou have had more than your fair share of dealing with the aftermath of a death in the family this year. I can imagine you felt like that a few times.
DeleteThose days where you must work and be social or present in one world when you head is in another are so challenging. I understand what you mean about the family visits. When my mom was ill years ago, my cousin came from Arizona to see her a few weeks before she died..She said at the time she wouldn't be back for the funeral but wanted to spend time with mom while they could both enjoy each other's company and memories. That's something I hope I never forget.
ReplyDeleteYour cousin from Arizona did the right thing, and I am sure her visit was much appreciated.
DeleteWork has always helped me in that it provides a firm structure to the day and stability with its routine and same faces etc., but it is challenging when one would need time off to handle all the organizational things. Fortunately, both my boss and my colleagues are very understanding.